Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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