Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
