Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
