did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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