thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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