Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
