You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
