Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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