Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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