Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
