Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
