haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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