I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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