Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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