If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
