Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
