Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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