The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
