She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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