Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
