It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
