You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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