Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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