He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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