Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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