i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
