No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
