he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
