I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
