Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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