Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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