Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she looked like the before picture.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
