If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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