and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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