Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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