you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
