Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
