So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
