By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
even my farts smell like vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
