i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
