You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
