ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
