dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
