he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
