I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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