I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
