I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
