happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
