Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
