Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
