I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
