tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
