Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
